Chihiro

« Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. »

They say a man success depends on the woman he marries. I believe it to be true. Both ways.

• Your partner will determine who you will become

Choosing the partner, you wake up with every morning is the most important decision of one’s life. The person you take on your life journey will determine who you will become. Your partner’s habits will influence yours; your partner’s morals will influence yours; your partner’s beliefs, attitude, and character will determine yours.

Therefore, who you choose as your lifelong partner is not only a choice of who you want to be with, but of who you will become and who your kids will become.

• Habits and interests

People don’t understand when some say, they wouldn’t marry someone who doesn’t train, who doesn’t eat healthily, but doesn’t it make perfect sense?

Because not only can you not share important moments of your life with someone who doesn’t share the same interests, but also you will miss understanding each other.

It’s the same for drinking or smoking or any habit. If your partner has habits you don’t approve of or doesn’t have habits that are important to you, you are doomed.

Because you may ignore it for a while, but it will kick in one day or another. After the excitement of marriage and all, after a couple of months, after the first year, people are brought back to reality. And often, people wake up next to a person they don’t really want to be with and realize they neither admire nor like them. But they will stay out of habit and while they stay, they will try to escape the daily: work overtime, business trips, get busy with own hobby. All this to avoid home. And they will end up completely lonely.

Because home should be the most sacred place for a person.

• Unwise marriages

Therefore, marriage is probably one of the most important decisions of one’s life. And yet, there are societies where marriage is always chosen unwisely. “She was kind and I knew she would not bother me; I would keep my freedom”. He does his things, she does her things, and once in a while they date. Modern marriage in some society is nothing but some roommate arrangements. This thinking makes me doubt in humanity, it’s scary.

Marriage should be the most powerful bond of your life. You don’t marry someone because of kindness. You don’t marry someone because they don’t bother you. You don’t marry someone because people say you should. We have only one life and waking up every day next to someone you don’t love is the worst misery you could choose for yourself.

Yet, people unable to bear the weight of loneliness marry without love, it’s sad.

• Love as the best way of self-development

Nothing but love should be the cement of a marriage. Love is not jealousy, love is not envy, love is not lust.

Marriage is choosing love. And love, that’s not fast texts, that’s not being jealous, that’s not wanting to own the other. Love is not fancy looks and pretty face.

Love is caring for someone so deeply that you become the best version of yourself for them. Love should make you grow, both of you. Love requires each of the partners to always want to become better for the sake of the other.

It should never be asked, it should be spontaneous. Quitting habits that may hurt the other, stop being jealous, stop going with the wrong people, getting your life in order, just becoming the very best of you. And that’s the most successful relationship, when both grow up to their full potential. There is nothing worse being with someone that brings out the worst of you. That’s toxic and unhealthy and often abusive.

Love should be calm, not trigger off your worst instincts.

• Love requires you to grow

Love requires you to grow. Love requires maturity, clarity, honesty, and accountability. If you get angry to someone easily, you don’t love them. If you get mad at someone who is calm to you, you don’t love them. If you can’t make the difference between being hurt and being angry, you’re not ready for love. If you’re not ready to say “sorry I screwed up, let’s fix this”, you are not ready for love.

If instead of taking responsibility for your shortcomings, you always play the victim and blame the other, you’re not ready for anything in life. You will never grow and you will never love or be loved; you are doomed to a meaningless life empty and lonely.

Love has no place for lies; love has no place for games and manipulation. Love has no B option. It’s risk it all or lose it all. Love is caring so deeply for someone that you want them to grow, you want them to evolve, you respect their freedom, their choice, but you should also step in when they get off trails. Love is difficult and demanding. Love requires constant self-growth and self-challenging.

And in the end, I think, very few people get love because very few people are ready to grow or accept they need to change and evolve. Too many love the comfort of their mediocrity. And that’s why many marriages end up cheating.

• Family, the true bond in life

Marriage is choosing family. And family, they are the ones who catch up when you fall, push you forwards when you are in doubt, keeps you in their arms when you need a rest, believes in you, cheer  up for you and never let you down.

Family is the only place where you can tell your mind completely free knowing that they will love you no matter what. Family is the only place where love is unconditional, no matter your mistakes, they will always choose you and protect you.

Family is the bond that should make you feel safe to be yourself in your best and in your worst. Family are the people you can tell the worst about you and still know they won’t leave you but love you despite this because they believe in you, they see the good in you when you can’t see it yourself and they will never lose hope for you.

I will never give in. I can’t settle for any less than this. Choosing comfort over love, that’s weak. But I get it, so many people don’t believe they can give or receive love, so they trade the possibility of true care against the certainty of an imitation of care.

Imitation, fake, appearances. Some societies gravel in it.

I hate what’s fake, I care or I don’t, all or nothing, there’s no in-between.